


Hanamiya Makto Arc 2

by Sailor_Saccharin



Series: Ad Libitum [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Suicide Attempt, sexual molestation healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:04:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8713126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailor_Saccharin/pseuds/Sailor_Saccharin
Summary: Trigger warning: Dubcon





	1. Fearing the beast

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Dubcon

~~~

It's unusual, you haven't annoyed Hanamiya lately; not a single word when he walks you home from after school, and more often than not in school you don't say anything unless directly addressed. The more he thought about the reason why, the more suspicious he became. Why would you even go back to living in your house, weren't you content living with him?

"Are you sure you can afford this?" you said, voice hoarse from not using it. You were going to be third years after this spring break and Hanamiya thought it would be a good idea to rent your own living space (Especially since his mom kept walking in right when he was getting heated with you...on purpose)

"We will be fine." he grumbled, walking you home, "As long as your mom agrees to pay the rent we'll be set." he was so collected at the moment,"Why don't we go speak with her right now?

"Today's not a good day, she has work and you have practice." you croaked.

"I canceled practice, We can wait." his tone was nonchalant but there was an edge to it that you couldn't pin. It's like he knew your every secret, like he studied every action and could pinpoint even the slightest change in your mood.

"Can we get milkshakes instead of waiting at my house, you haven't treated me to anything lately! You haven't even taken me out." you yelled, as a last resort.

"You're talking so much baby, doesn't your throat hurt?" Hanamiya's tone was malicious and it shut you up immediately. The rest of the walk was silent and tense, your boyfriend was obviously pissed off by your suspicious behavior and you were antsy about something going on at home.

"Are you going to unlock the door or are we just going to stand here?" you did a search for the key but couldn't find anything.

"I can't find it Makoto." he yanked you foreword into his chest, staring at you with a degree of anger you've never seen before.

"Don't play with me pretty girl, I'm not afraid to hurt you, trust and believe me. Open the damn door." you knew that there was nothing else to do,so you gave in and unlocked the door. You froze up as soon as the door open and if it wasn't clear then,it was certainly clear now as to what's going on.

"Go on pretty." he gave you a small push forward. You stepped through the threshold and were met with only silence. You made it upstairs into your room and when you closed the door, Hanamiya's lips were on yours like white on rice.

"A-ah Hanamin!" Your hands pushed against his chest, trying to push away so you could breathe. He didn't let go though, he kissed you until your skin was flushed red.

"Hanamin, what's your problem!" He didn't say anything but he bared his fangs and caged you against the wall. He grabbed your arm and gave you a rough shove against the bed. His body pinned yours and no matter how much you pushed away he wouldn't move. His hands reached for the belt of his black uniform slacks and he tied your arms to the headboard with it. 

"Do you think you can hide things from me?" He let his tongue, trace the curve of your neck,"Do you think I'm stupid?" He chuckled, "You still believe you can fool me in the slightest pretty girl?" his teeth bit into your neck making you cry out loudly.

"You really piss me off." Hanamiya bit your ear and let his hands wonder to your shirt,"I want you to fear me pretty girl. I'm going to hurt you...make you scream and cry..and beg until you're properly trained by me." the bites that he had given you were already starting to bruise. He licked his lips and bit a trail down to your stomach. 

"H-Hanamin...please stop." your body was shaking from fear. The look in the elder man's eyes was ruthless as he ripped apart your clothes.

"Seeing you shake like a rabbit caught in a cage ...hearing you beg for me like your life depends on it." he licked his lips as his fingers entered you, "You don't understand what that does to me. I think I like taking you this way." his fingers moved brutally inside of you, making you cry out. His fingers ran across your face gentlely before he shoved them into your mouth. His lips danced across the smooth skin of your stomach, marring it as if it were his plaything.

"Stop! Stop!" you yelled, pushing the male away, with your newly freed hands. Of course he was stronger, desensitized to your malice intended touches, his hands reached for your wrist, pinning them above your head and grabbing the belt in order to restrain you yet again,"Stop please, I'll spill everything! Please just stop! Please please please!" you cried out, tears flowing freely now. Hanamiya ignored you.

"You like this position don't you? Hands pinned, legs spread open before a man who only intents to destroy you." he licked his lips 

 

"If you ever hide anything from me again, I WILL break you baby girl."


	2. Come the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The: kink exploration

[warning: kink exploration]

You've never slept better in your life then you have in this moment. Last night was your first night alone, in your shared apartment, with Hanamiya. You've never felt more content in your life, you love him and love being with him.

"Hanamin I'm getting up now." you trace the worn skin on his exposed back and he grunts in annoyance. He hates to be bothered during his sleep so you leave a kiss on his cheek and head to the bathroom. You aren't in the bathroom long before Hanamiya gets up and drags you back to bed.

"Did I say you could get up yet?" he smirks pinning you to the bed. You blush and reach up prompting him to kiss you. He does just that and it's one of the best kisses you've ever shared.

"I love it here with you. This is the best I've felt in years." you wrap an arm around the back of his neck and push his face down so that his lips may meet yours again. He doesn't resist you, he's content kissing you and being kissed by you.

"Ahh fuck, I love you Makoto!" you moan out when you feel his lips trailing kisses down your neck. You don't know whether he's being gentle because he's still tired or because he just doesn't feel like being rough with you today,but you refuse to complain.

"Good." his hands wonder up your skimpy t-shirt and mold your naked breast, twisting the forlorn nipples between the tips of his fingers. When your back arches in bliss, his whole game changes. His, smirk light and doused with sleep, now baring the fangs of world's most vicious tyrant. You can't deny that it makes you fear what he may have in store for you but you also can't contain the excitement the evil in his eyes have granted you.

"You've been such a good girl lately." his tongue drags over your lower lip as his lips only hover inches above your own,"I plan on rewarding you, to the fullest now that we're alone." you can hear how excited he is for whatever he's got planned for you and your insides twist.

"No one will walk in on us now." You breathe out as his fingers stroke you through your panties,"Ahhh that feels so good Hanamin." You don't attempt to hide how good he feels, the walls are solid and there's no fear of anyone walking in on you.

"Naughty woman." Hanamiya's fingers press roughly into you, fueled only by your loud moaning and his desire to see you in pure bliss and then snatch it away.

"Makoto! I'm going to nngh!" He smirks before snatching his fingers away from you. You can only gaze at him in disbelief. You whine for him to finish the job through worn out pants, but he ignores you and reaches over the bed.

"I bought something for you." The look in his eyes is wild, driven. You know he's going to torture you, like the sadist he is, in fact you expect it, but that doesn't stop you from wanting it. He covers your eyes with his large hands and you feel something weird enter you. 

"Hanamin w-what is th-Ahh Nngh-" your breath is stolen when you feel Hanamiya pump the object in and out of you. He stops pumping it for a few and that's when you feel vibrating.

"You're such a good girl, obedient, kind hearted, submissive." for every praise he cranks up the dial on the vibrator, "It's disgusting. You're so stupid if you think you're going to get anywhere in life by being kind." he laughs and presses a kiss to you finger pads. You can only lay there with your mouth open, panting as he talks down to you. You know you should take offense from his calloused words but you know he's only saying these things cause he doesn't want you to get hurt.

"I'm going to Ahhh Nggh." he turns the dial down to almost nothing and your eyes tear up in complaint. He's a cruel man and right now his desire is nothing more but to destroy you. His finger stroke your oversensitive clit roughly, making you cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. He builds you up with both the vibrator and his touch, and every time you get close, he snatches that sweet sensation away.

"You're such a good pet." he praises you and pats your head. The vibrator is on the lowest setting now and you're desperate for your release. You open your eyes that have since then closed and gaze up at his face. He's enjoying this, enjoying the pain of denying both his and your orgasms as he pumps his exposed shaft. It makes your mouth water, to see him like that, eyes closed, roughly stroking his cock as he gets off from the pain he gives you. 

"H-Hanamin." you call him by that god forsaken nickname and his eyes fly open.

"What." he hisses, taking in the way your legs quivered, the way your mouth was slightly parted, and your faced flushed. 

"Touch me please. It hurts, I can't take it... I need to come." you sound desperate but that's the way Hanamiya likes you. He liked your broken hope deprived face the most, but only when he was the cause of it.

"You don't have an ounce of dignity of left do you?" Hanamiya spat as he turned the vibrator up and rubbed your clit maniacally,"Begging for me like the bitch you are." he smirked, tilting your chin upwards. You were building quickly but as soon as you got there, he pulled away leaving you empty. 

"Please Makoto." he felt his cock twitch when you called his name.

"You're so sloppy, it's repulsive." and then he was in you, slamming his hips against yours, desperate for release from his own arousal. Just as he loves to see you fall apart for him,you love to see him lusted over. You love the way he takes you roughly,the way he takes your skin between his teeth. You moan loudly as he lifts your legs upon his shoulder and digs his nails into your thighs. It's a painful pleasure, blissful in all it's ways and you know with the way he's holding onto you, the both of you won't last much longer. 

"Come for me. Say my name." he growls dangerously low. You grip his forearm as he holds you down with his body, switching the position so your legs are wrapped tightly against his waist. You moan louder and louder with each wave of torment his hips give. 

_"Only if you fall apart with me."_


	3. Have my baby

"Pretty girl, get up."He hasn't changed much over the years expect for the fact that he's taller and his features are sharper. You whine and roll over on your side and ignore him. There's the feeling of a small child kicking your stomach right now, and you really don't wanna share the feeling with him,you want the little demon to yourself, just for a little while longer.

"Don't test me, get up." he growls. You feel the bed dip but you ignore him. When he touches your side you can't help but feel the butterflies in your stomach, so you roll over to face him, with a huge grin.

"Makoto, the baby, he's moving around a lot." you smile softly while you struggle to get up. Hanamiya finds the sight amusing and enjoys it for little while longer before helping you up.

"You're an idiot." his lips are on yours, pressing harshly,"You keeping him to yourself makes me a bit angry." his grin is as wide as your eyes are. The poor man never admits is feelings.

"Sike, idiot why would I ever say something like that." he turns his head away in victory as you struggle to sit up. Hanamiya notices this and places his grip around your waist, supporting your futile efforts.

"Hanamin." you state, he glares at you and then pinches your nose.

"I've told you about calling me that." 

"But it's your nickname." 

"Yeah but it's your last name now too idiot."


	4. Earth shattering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dubcon

You can still feel those cold calloused fingers around your neck as he fucks you roughly into the mattress spread. If you would have know that would have been the last time, you would have savored it, prompt him to take it slow, make love to you.   
He's been stagnant and hostile to everyone he's encountered in the last two months but his eyes still hold the same warmth towards you. You miss him, but it's not like he wants you anymore.

"You still think about him [F/n]-chan?" Kiyoshi's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. He takes a few locks of your hair and twirls them around his fingers. It's obvious he has a thing for you, but he's not your type. You like the cold boys, the troubled past boys, the sadist, obviously. 

"H-huh?" you neglect to answer him, but the sudden downcast of your eyes tell him everything he needs to know. He decides to make his move, he leans across the table and presses his lips against yours. His kiss is relaxed and gentle, unlike Hanamiya's kisses which are rather rough and rushed. It's something you're not used to, but you could get to used it, if you wanted to that is. Your eyes widen and tears spring to your eyes as Kiyoshi pulls away. There's a tug at your heart strings, you're silently begging for more affection , and it doesn't matter whom it's from, you've been deprived of love for two months.

"You're so beautiful. Let me treasure you." He breathes. You don't say anything and he smiles and presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving. He knows your heart will always belong to Hanamiya but that doesn't mean he can't try.

~~~

"[N/n]-chan~" Hara smiles brightly, "You have no sense of shame do you? Kissing Kiyoshi-kun in front of boss like that." he smirks and pops his gum loudly before trying to scamper away. Your heart drops to your stomach and you feel nauseated.

"K-Kazuya-kun, w-wait." you call, "H-Hanamin saw?" he only looks back at you and smiles. You feel like crying but you hold back the tears. The hours passes by quickly and today you find yourself walking to the apartment you and Hanamiya used to share. Then you find yourself walking towards the building, then you find yourself inside the tiny apartment. It still smells like him and it brings vexing tears to your eyes. You find yourself in the bedroom next, staring at the bed you used to share. It looks like it hasn't been touched since that day. 

 

Lie.

"You're so predictable." you hear his voice before you see it him and it sends waves of pleasure down your spine. 

"H-Hanamiya." you turn around only to be met with cold eyes and a sickening grin. He's so close to you, that can feel his breath on your lips.  You want to kiss him, let him do unspeakable things to you.

"Have you missed me pretty girl? Or have you already moved on?" his tone is saccharine and you hate it.

"You know how I feel about you Hanamiya-sama." you bitterly call him by the name he hates the most- 

"Oh really? I also know how you feel about Kiyoshi Teppei." 

"You abandoned me Hanamiya-sama." not once but twice-

"Don't try me pretty girl." he breathes cooly but you can tell how he's itching to grab you by the neck and break you.

"What's the matter Hanamiya-sama? Does it bother you to know someone else could give me the love you couldn't?" -third times the charm and he loses it. The only thing you can feel is your body being slammed against the pillowy top of your abandoned sanctuary. His lips crash against yours and you don't waste a second responding to his kiss.

"Don't ever fucking call me that. You got it?" his voice is the angriest you've ever heard it. His teeth bite into your flesh hard enough to break the skin and draw blood. You scream and tremble as he hovers above you. He's god and you're his sacrifice.

"Are you afraid of me now pretty girl? You don't know what that does to me." he grinds his half erection into your sex and you moan at the contact.

"I'm not afraid of you Makoto." you cup his chin and bring his head down for a kiss. His fingers scale the slightly bleeding spot on your neck before he runs his finger over your lips,"I miss you."

"You that you claim miss me so badly but you're fucking around with that bastard Teppei?" his hurt is disguised by the coldness of his tone but you read right through it,"Wouldn't that make you a whore if not for 'love' ?" he is bitter.

"Makoto, I'm not messing around with Kiyoshi. I only see him as a friend." he tears your school shirt off scattering the buttons everywhere, he rips your bra off and throws it around the room somewhere. 

"Bullshit." he bites your right nipple with no remorse and you scream out in pain.

"Hanamin please it hurts!" you cry out, trying to push his head away,he doesn't budge though, in fact he bites down harder. You yell at him to stop as he leaves painful bite marks down your stomach until your sobbing unintelligible phrases. This is one of the worse pains you ever felt in your life but Hanamiya doesn't stop, he doesn't care.

"You're fucking mine [F/n]." he snarls, ripping your skirt and your panties,"You are fucking mine." you swear you hear his voice crack. His two fingers enter you without warning and you nearly cry out. His touch is fire that burns worse than hell, but you endure it because you love him more than anything. 

"I know." you whisper, "I'm yours Hanamin. I'm only yours." you stop his rough movements and bring his face up for a kiss. His tongue is swift to enter your mouth and his fingers slow down to something more pleasurable for you. 

"Do you think I'm fucked up now?" 

"No." you sniffle,"I think you're a sadist." your voice is too, shaky, as you run a finger through his silky black strands.

"But I don't think you're fucked up." He doesn't respond to your confession promptly but you don't need him too. His eyes are telling you everything. His fingers quickly work you into one if the best orgasms you've ever had. 

"Hanamin." you call weakly, running your finger tip over his lips. He bites your finger pads and you moan softly. He looks starved like an animal, deprived of all it's senses. You make quick work of his clothes and quickly take him into your hands. 

"I'll do it. Let me take care of you." the position switches without an exchange of words. Him on his back and you between his legs. You lick at his arousal curiously and he groans loudly. He's still sensitive to your touch. 

"H-Hanamin." You waste no time taking him between your lips to pleasure him. He groans loudly and pushes your head forewad, forcing himself down your throat. He's rough as he fucks your mouth until he's brimming on the brink of his own climax. 

"Fuck." the position switches quickly and soon enough he's forcing himself into you, bringing tears to your eyes. He feels great as he spares no remorse. He's rough with you, eager to tip you over the boarder line of pain and pleasure. You know he's asserting his claim over you once again .That's just how he is. 

 

You belong to him

 

And you love it


	5. Overhearing in private

_Hanamiya-San I really like you, please go out with me instead."_

_"Of course I would love too."_

**Wait**

That sounded a little too sweet to be him.

The sadistic male hasn't seen you around for days. He hadn't heard your voice, or gotten any text messages from you. At first he enjoyed the peace, but then he got lonely. You weren't sitting on top of his desk with that huge annoying smile plastered on your face, you weren't there to greet him with an 'Ohayo Hanamin' as he dropped his stuff on your lap and bade you off his desk, you weren't there to sleep on him during lunch instead of eating like a good girl.

He missed the little things, he missed you. 

~~~

"Hanamiya-San I really like you, please go out with me instead." she was a red headed girl, top of her class, an underclassmen. She was beautiful, big brown eyes, big chest, and perfectly pouty lips. She was everyone's type,expect Hanamin's. He liked them stupid and lawless, easy to trap but hard to get rid of. He liked small chest and huge asses, he liked someone he could freshen up with his genius mind and someone to debate with over every single little thing. Someone who would argue with him until his hand was around their thoat and his hips were driving into them with such a force that their only claim to sanity was their nails digging into his back. 

She meant nothing to him.

~~~

"Ah, Hanamiya-San, I heard you had a girlfriend?" he ignored her, the mention of you made him a bit upset. Where the hell were you? 

"Is this what she looks like?" the small girl flashed a picture of his beloved ,"Name is Nakasato Toshie by the way." and then she kissed him, tongue invading his mouth without remorse. When she wanted something she took it. He felt angry as she left but even angrier when he peeped your broken figure from the corner corner. 

You had overheard their little private tirade.  
~~~

"[F/n]-chan!!" Everyone smiled brightly at you, you gave your best but you were dead. Your friend's asked you about your whereabouts and you answered them with pseudo-enthusiasm. 

"What the hell did you do to her?" Miki hissed in Hanamiya's ear.

"What's it to you, thought you two weren't 'besties' anymore?" Hanamiya spat nastily. He was angry, you wouldn't even look his way. 

"It doesn't matter what she and I are going through, If you hurt her,I swear I will kill you." Miki spat walking away and going to you. She shooed all the girls away from you and talked you alone. Hanamiya could see the tears glistening in your eyes.

And damn it hurt him

~~~

"Hanamiya-San I heard you have a reputation for being the school's bad boy." she peered over his desk at lunch Time. How did she even get in here, this wasn't her homeroom? He growled as he sensed you starring at him from your seat with Miki.

"Is there something you want?" His eyebrow raised and he smirked poisonously. The poor girl was taken aback by his vicious smile.

"I just want to know you a little bit more Hanamiya-San. Is that so bad?" his eyes flashed red and he felt his blood boil. If she knew him for who he was then she would run away like the rest, the only one wo could handle him at his worse was his [F/n], and she woldnt even look for him. It was driving him mad.

"Fuck off." he warned and then got up and went to where you were sitting. The next thing you knew, he was dragging you to an abandon part of the school. His lips were pressed against yours harshly, drawing out your essence as if he needed it to love.

"Hanamin." you moaned, your legs wrapping around his waist. "Don't leave me.


	6. Crotch grabbing

"Shoot it in the hoop idiot." Hanamiya held his hands on your hips, trying to teach you how to shoot...Er...better. You could shoot pretty decently but he wanted you to do better. He wanted you to join the basketball team to this year.

"Hanamin this is stupid, I have asthma I can't play." he pinched the bridge of your nose as you pouted.

"Don't play with me pretty girl, I know your asthma is well controlled." he held your jaw tightly in his palm before releasing it. You rubbed your swore jaw before speaking again:

"Well actuall-." he cut you off with a smack to your ass. He was warning you but you couldn't help but feel the ache between your thighs when he abused you like that. You wanted him to be rough with you, you've grown to like it. Prehaps your stupid. His type.

You licked your lips as the sun beamed in your eyes and took a shot. You swore you could hear someone yelling 'brick' in the background as the ball bounced off the hoop.

"What the  fuck man! Who was that. My form was perfect." you swore making a group if boys laugh behind you. Hanamiya glared at the intrusion, but he couldn't stay mad for long, after all this was a public park.

"Stick to lasers, kitten, basketball is for real guys like us." the tall hooded guy spoke. Hanamiya watched quietly in the background, curious to see how you'd react. Usually he'd step in and kill whoever dared disrespect you but today he didn't feel like it. He was tired.

"If you're a real guy then why are you trying to bully a kitten like me off the court." You poked your lip out, curious as to why Hanamiya wasn't stepping in.

"You don't belong here." he spoke, his partner in crime adding emphasis and support from the background.

"My foot also doesn't belong up your ass but it's fixing to wind up there if you and you partner don't get out of my face."you threatened them. You could feel him before, he announced his presence. You wondered if he was angry that a pair of guys was insinuating a fight with you but when you looked up at his face, he was calm, emotionless. 

You grabbed his hand and pouted,"Hanamin they're bullying me." he rested a hand on top of your head. You noted how much taller  he was than you and how the sweat dripped and rolled down his eyebrow. It made your body giddy with excitement. You wanted him to touch you. Fuck these guys, you wanted Hanamiya Makoto right damn now.

"Why don't we settle this with a basketball match." the random clowns spoke,"If we win you never step foot on this court again." 

"And if we win then you have to come with us for some fun tonight " you could feel Hanamiya twitch against your body. His sturdy rock hard stomach involuntarily shuddered at the thought of anyone suggesting you as a prize. It made him angry, he was going to destroy them.

The game started off innocently enough. A tied score, you and Hanamiya ahead and then the other team ahead. That's when Hanamiya started playing dirty. His elbow would slip into the other guys ribcage and his foot would mysteriously graze their ankle. You decided to join in on his underhand style of playing, you even messed with Hanamiya and grabbed his crotch a few times 'accidentally'.It was all fun until on them decided to grab you. You whined at how tight and uncomfortable his grip was and how evil his face looked. 

"You think your funny, you and your little boyfriend." he gripped your arm and yanked you foreword. He raised his hand but his blow never came. Hanamiya held the male's arm in his grip like a vice claw. The guy actually whimpered in pain a little bit. 

"What the hell man let me go." Hanamiya didn't say anything but twisted the guy's arm so far backwards you could hear the bones in his arm crack. You winced when you saw the smile on Hanamiya's face. He wouldn't stop, you know he wouldn't, he was angry, but he also loved causing people pain. Next, he punched the guy in the stomach so hard he doubled over and you could feel the wind getting knocked out of him. Hanamiya wasn't done though, he gripped the boys hair and shoved his finger's in one of the poor guys eyes. You and his friend could only stand there memorized. Hanamiya laughed and licked his lip as he made way to destroy the guy more.

"Makoto...stop...please." he was scaring you. When you spoke, your voice gave a him a little grip on reality. He glared at you and made his way over to you. He gripped your wrist so harshly that you knew it would bruise, and dragged you out of there.

~~~

"Come here." was the first thing he said as the two of you stepped into the bedroom of your rent apartment. His voice was husky and it sent shivers down you spine. This man owned You, dehumanized you, and you love every second of it. You quickly changed into a t-shirt and some boy shorts and made your way over to him

"Hanamin." you touched his cheek softly and he smirked. It scared you a little bit. He pushed your body across his lap and rubbed your ass softly. You moaned at his deft hands touching you.

"You're a very fucking stupid girl." his words stung, but his hands felt great on your body,"So fucking stupid. I want to beat the stupid right out of you baby." you screamed, his hand came down on your ass so hard that his erection was no match.

"What do you think would have happened to your little naive ass if I wasn't there?" he hit your ass even harsher this time. It hurt, it really did but at the same time it made you excited. With every hit you would jolt and it would make him laugh.

30\. 

He hadn't stopped because you started crying out in pain, he stopped because he was bored. 

"You're so beautiful when you cry." he tugged at your lip as his hand slipped between your thighs to you intimates,"But You're fucking disgusting. Your soaked to something that brought you so much pain that it brought you to tears?" his two fingers entered you and you cried out. You hadn't made him this mad in awhile. It felt good.

He pulled his fingers out and snickered,"You're revolting pet." he swore as he pulled his fingers out,"Open your mouth pet." you whimpered and when you didn't do it to his speed, he slapped your ass again. You cried out in pain but that didn't Stop Hanamiya, in fact it earns you five more.

"On you knees pet." you obeyed quickly, eager to not be hit again. He stood up following your lead and undid the drawstring on his basketball shorts and boxers. Once he removed them, his erecting sprung free. You stared at it for awhile. It was red and swollen, veins sticking out  just like they did when Hanamiya was upset. It laid straight up against his stomach with a slight curve. Your hand reached for it and Hanamiya groaned. He was deprived, he needed you now. You tugged him a bit before putting him in your mouth.

"Fuck." he bit his lips and pulled your head forward. He controlled your pace and he was rough. His erection quickly reached down your throat, choking you. He didn't give you much time to breathe either. He felt himself peaking.

"Mmm fuck." he groaned, as he spilled himself down your throat. He was hot and salty,"Make sure you swallow it to." he released himself with a pop and headed to the bathroom.

"Wait Makoto what about me." you whined.

"Take care of it yourself that's what you get for pissing me off and all that damn crotch grabbing,"  

You groaned

 

"Fuck you Makoto."


	7. Gentle teasing

"I could wreck you, Y'know. Leave your ass for dead, leave you sated and spent, lying in the middle of my bed without even laying a finger on you." he was in your head, mind fucking you timely enough to match the intense rutting of his hips. It's desirable though-

"I could drive you insane...mad, talk you into a frenzy and leave you hanging on the edge of every single word. I can work your mind into disfranchisement. Make you give up everything you own and more for me." -the way he talks down to you. You love the way he can destroy you and bring you back up. It turns you on, the thin layer there is between right and wrong. And oh it feels so right, but Hanamiya is a force to be reckoned with. He could have you thinking that anything was right, he could lead you astray and you'd still run to catch up with him again.

The things he could do with that silver tongue. He could get you riled up in different languages:

"Beg for me." English

"Fall apart for me." Japanese

"I can make you come in so many ways, which do you prefer pet." German

"Tell me, I'll fuck you until you're raw, screaming. Begging for me to release my hold on you." and then back to English again and you understand him perfectly each time. The things this genius boy can do to you...for you. He puts your senses into overdrive as he brings you up in an earnest high and slams you back down into the harsh reality.

"You're pathetic pretty baby, disgusting. The way you throw you head back and cry out my name...for me, you're so repulsive.",His fingers rub harshly at your clit and you tighten around him. He groans and grabs your hips, leaving crescent shaped marks along the lines of your discolored stretch marks. It'll bruise like the many hickies he's given you but you don't care. He riddled them in private places anyways, places only you'll see and only you'll be embarrassed by. 

"Fuck, that's right Come for me. You're mine...all fucking mine." he pulls like a trigger and you're the released bullet. You're falling so hard so quickly and you're afraid he'll never catch you, but you're strangely ok with that fear. You cry out his name and he wraps a deft hand around your throat, cutting off your air supply. 

He's good...so fucking good and you can't take it. 

You fall for him like he's a grown man handing out candy.

Part of you wonders how long you can take it 

And part of you wonders how long he'll let you stay


	8. All we know is falling

"Welcome home Makoto." he doesn't respond when you greet him,like he usually does, instead he drops his bookbag on the ground and heads for the kitchen. You brush off his lack of speech for anger or the latter, annoyance, and follow him to the kitchen. He ignores your presence and opens the fridge for a snack. When he can't find any of his delicious 100%  
cocoa, he slams the fridge shut in fustration. 

"Hanamin, I can go out and buy you something if you need it." you catch a peak of his face and it's wrecked with despondency, something not known to the sadist man. At this point you know that it's not just simple anger or frustration, something is truly wrong with him. You opt to just leave him alone to vent for awhile and head back to the living room to finish your studies,the time for college entrance exams is nearing and you're pinning for an area near, if not the same, university as Hanamiya's. 

You're thirty minutes into your studies when you hear the sudden shattering of glass. You rush to the back room where you see Hanamiya and his bleeding hand standing over the broken glass of a decorative vase. He goes to punch the wall in blind anger but you rush over and wrap your tiny hand around his bleeding fist.

"Hey hey hey!" you brush his hair slick with sweat out of his face,"What's the matter with you?" you can feel his rage, it's seething under the heat of his skin,boiling his blood until it evaporates into thin air. You lower his arm down and drag him to the bathroom to take care of his wounded hand.

"Makoto..." you disinfect his wound with hydrogen peroxide, bandage it tightly, and then wash your hands to clean yourself of his blood. You sit on his lap and wrap a protective arm around him,"What's wrong baby?" he answers you with a forceful kiss, his teeth taking your bottom lip between his lips. He bites down so hard, you can feel your lip split down the middle. Hanamiya doesn't care, he sucks away the blood, desperate to claim as much reality he can from you. You shudder and push at him to relinquish his deadly hold on you. He slinks back, in fear it, looks like. He looks like a dear caught in headlights, scared, shocked and confused. You press small kisses to his temple, to his cheek, to his bandaged fist.   

You know the type of comfort he seeks from You

~~~

The two of you don't get very far up the stairs when Hanamiya's lips are poised against yours again. His teeth take the bleeding flesh between his lips and he sucks harshly. You want to help him, but not like this. You want him to talk to you, but you know he won't. He shows his emotions through petty sex and injuring basketball players. You don't agree with his ways but goddamn it you really don't want him to change. You don't want him to be redeemed and born anew because he loves you like this and you don't want to lose the side of him that loves you along with his evil. But you know the moment he changes, this relationship will change too.

 

Somehow you're sprawled across the middle of the floor, with Hanamiya's face buried in your folds. You cry out and grab his raven locks, giving them a sharp tug. He's ignores you though and gives a rough bite to your clit and you buck your hips forward. He's so good, he feels so so good.

"M-Makoto! Mmmh fuck." he laps at your cunt, pouring his emotions into his every bite and lick. It's sensual in its own, the way he uses sex to get off from his anger. Maybe he's more than a sadist, maybe he's a masochistic too. (or a Sith lord) You feel him reach for something in a box under his bed as he pulls away. 

"Hanamin please." you whine, desperate to revive the feelings. You thrust your hips into his open palm, which is now tracing lines along the lips of your clit. 

"Hold on pretty baby." he growls, easing a finger into your wetness. You moan and fuck yourself on his finger. It makes him smirk a little bit as he adds a second digit to your pleasure. He works your body into a frenzy as you hear him rustle with the box again. It's a condom, Which he slips on with fluidity. 

"Fuck M-Makoto!" he's in you, and he's rough, thrusting his hips upward to connect with yours. His hand grips your waist tightly,holding you steady as you try to ride him. He won't let you, this is his fuck and he's content with seeing you struggle to dictate his pace. The fucking sadist.

You hold a hand over your mouth to keep the sounds from coming out as obnoxiously as they are. Hanamiya doesn't find this amusing, the little game you're playing. If he's going to take away your control then you'll take away his moans.

"That's not how things work around here pretty girl." he grabs your arms and forces them down by your side, unmuffling the pretty noises."Good girl." he smirks as he keeps thrusting at a languid pace. You plead for him to speed up, fuck you harder, anything but this slow tourture. And he does. He fucks you roughly until he feels your walls squeezing him as tight as a kid. 

"That's it pretty girl, come for me." 

~~~

It's late at night, and Hanamiya never comes back to bed after his confession.

His mother died today.

He's alone, you're all that he truly as now

And it breaks your heart


	9. Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: depression

They say the ocean rolls out in waves. They say that when the tide is high, that more people drown under the high waves. It was spring at graduation, so the water should have been slower, not as vicious. The waves should have died down but for some reason the ocean didn't freeze over this year. 

You didn't speak to anyone after the 2nd year moving up ceremony. You didn't hang out with your friends or your classmates. You didn't go out to eat and drink sake at Seto's house with the basketball team. Instead, you walked straight home and began to write a long letter to Hanamiya. You should probably start by saying how sorry you were. 

You were really sorry

So So sorry 

You never took his feelings into consideration. You never asked what he wanted, you were selfish and needy. Always one to depend on him to rescue you and be your sitter. You weren't independent like the facade you put up as class president. You were worthless 

 

You were really sorry

So So sorry 

 

You weren't a single speckle of pretty, not beautiful, not gorgeous , not even a shade of cute. You were sorry that you couldn't be 'bad' enough for him to do a double take when he saw you. Or even enough to defend from a guy. It's not like they hit on you anyway. Well they did but not because you were cute, because they would fuck anything with a vagina. 

You were really sorry

So So sorry 

For wasting all of his time. For abusing the little bit of kindness that he bespectacled upon people. For making him endure your existence since the beginning of this harsh second year. If you could do it all over again you would never have left the abusing ex. You deserved that.

To be beaten like a dog, treated like shit.   
Wasted away and left in nothing.

 

Dear Hanamiya,  
I am going to atone for my sins.

 

And then you slipped the noose around your neck


	10. Breathe again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: suicide recovery/attempt

A noose around your neck should have felt softer than a pair of deft fingers. It was fine though, if it meant that you had died. It's funny though, for someone who was dead your neck felt uncomfortably sore.

"You're unbelievable." came Hanamiya's voice, breaking ground in pitch blackness. It was surprisingly neutral but also salted over with a hidden sadness. 

"W-wha?" you found yourself speaking, albeit your sore throat and headache. You were afraid to open your eyes, to have to face the disappointed and angry look in his eyes. 

Not yet. 

No, not yet.

You swore you were doing him a favor. 

"Don't play fucking stupid with me [F/n]." you could almost taste the malice in his voice and opted to say nothing in fear of upsetting the poor man. If you would have died, he wouldn't be so upset with you right now. His voice softened a pitch, in eagerness to get something out of you. He was so confused and lost, you were so happy with him...right?

"Why didn't you tell me you were depressed?" Was it him? Was it the way he teased you, belittled you? His fist clinched and unclenched as he counted every agonizing second you chose not to answer. 

"I was trying to do you a favor." you eyes-although closed-leaked tears, "Why didn't you just take it? You could have been happy..so so damn happy."

"Open your goddamn eyes and look at me [F/n]. Stop the coward shit." his voice wavered between anger and betrayal as you obeyed the harsh command," What kind of favor involves killing yourself? Taking yourself away from me? Stealing your life, something you know damn well belongs to me?" he snarled, yanking your averted gaze toward him, so harshly you swore your felt the skin in you neck tear. You let out a pained yelp in retaliation to his harsh handling.

"Oh shut up, you did it to yourself." he brushed a fallen strand of black hair out of his face. He was so many things right now angry: sad,relieved, but more so confused. You told him, you'd never leave him, now you're right there with his mother, teetering on the list of people who had willingly abandoned him.  

"You don't hear the way they talk. They tell me that you don't want me...that I'm not enough for you...that I lack and I'm dead last in everything. That I can never be relatively close to what you wanted. They tell me I'm a burden to my parents, my best friend, my co workers. That no one needs me. I'm unloved and unneeded."

"Who are they?" 

"They are me...you wouldn't understand." oh but he did. He had been there, too many times to count on a finger. It was unchartered territory that spat familiarity. 

"You are so stupid." he whispered. He wanted to break in half over and over again,"I love you ....isn't that enough for you?" his voice was soft and raw, dabbling in his own vulnerability. You blinked at him and opened your mouth to say something. 

Not yet. 

No, not yet.

You swore you were doing him a favor. 

"You don't have to say anything just breathe again. Let me know you're alive."

But the hurt in his soul was unwavering


	11. Picking up the pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: slapping, choking, amongst other things

What the hell is wrong with you? Stop doing that." Hanamiya and you were sitting on the floor, you between his legs as he tried to do the required reading. The two of you usually didn't sit like this, but for one thing you've been begging to be between his legs all day, and for another he needed to keep a close eye on you. Just to make sure you weren't doing anything reckless.

"[F/n] I'm going to break your hands if you don't stop." he grabbed your hands and you squealed. You must have been high off of happy crack today, because you were really getting on his damn nerves. As you tried to twist out of his grip, He flipped you on your back.

"Stop pulling out the damn carpet or I'll spank you so hard you'll have no choice but to pull it out." he threatened. You smirked and he could feel the smart ass remark coming on.

"Either it way it goes I'm still going to be pulling out the fibre from the carpet." Hanamiya could feel his aggravation rising and felt the urge to just let the topic go, but there were so many things that were on his mind. Like why?   
Why did you want to destroy his carpet? 

Why did you want to take your life so badly? 

Was it him, the way he treated you? Or was it something else.

"I know what you're thinking Hanamin." you called him so lovingly, by  that nickname and It left a bitter taste in his mouth. The way you could still call his name with that broken facade, it struck a nerve with him. Soon he was hovering above you, his face buried between your neck, hand trailing down your stomach.

"You think you're so slick don't you?" he bit your neck harshly while at the same time used his tongue to soothe the pain. Your body was heating up, you wanted him.

"I'm not slick with anything Ha—oh!" his fingers trailed up your thighs making you shiver and hold back a light gasp. He was tracing every kanji,katakana,and hiragana of his name right along the apex of your thighs.

"You think you can just leave people behind when you feel like its too much to bare? Selfish girl." he bit your neck harshly, sheathing his fingers into you. You moaned as you felt his fingers working you faster and faster. He was sparing nothing today,  emotions pouring out through the handywork he was doing with his fingers.

"You and my mom think you can just leave whenever you want to?" he yelled, slamming his mouth down on your neck hard enough to draw blood. You screeched and he slapped you, "Shut up." his loud laughter echoed the room, he took a little amusement at how you tried to nurse your stinging cheek, before deciding that was enough and restraining your hands with his free hand.

"Hanamin, it's too much!" you protested. You knew if you safe worded him, he would stop his assault, but you never had before and you never felt the need to. Hanamiya has his own way of being gentle and caring, he would be sure to take care of you no matter how angry he was.

"You never believe me when I tell you that I haven't a single problem breaking you? Making it so that your body bends to my every command, making it so you're trained by me." Hanamiya placed his lips on yours, taking your bottom lip between his teeth. It hurt but at the same time pleasure shivered through your spine, "You see...I spoil you too much. I even let you get to the point where you thought you could leave me on your own free will?" he chuckled, his fingers moving in and out of you once again. You moaned loudly at his actions, moving your hips upwards and trying to gain more of his pleasure. 

"No please...Hanamin I'd never leave you." you were slapped again. How dare you tell such a bold lie right to his face! His hand twitched and he wanted to punch you face, just to knock some sense into you.  
    No slapping would suffice, punching is an extreme he saved for jerkass punks or people who stepped to him wrong. He'd never punch you, he chose the alternative letting his knuckles run down your cheek as he disrobed You. It was a gentle rub, but threatening nonetheless.

"You're so beautiful [F/n]...where would you go if you left?" his hands left your body completely , as he unbuckled his own pants. You knew how Hanamiya reacted to anything emotionally stimulating. You were going to get your brains fucked out right on top of those carpet fibers that you pulled out.

"I love you so much." he growled, thrusting himself into you, his deft hand wrapped around your throat. Your hands went to stabilize yourself, using his toned arms as needed,"As if I'd ever say that to you idiot." he laughed, but the way his voice cracked, it was evident that he meant it. Hanamiya loved you with a passion that set fire to one thousand suns. If he lost you, he would lash out on everyone. You were his panacea, his solace, his harmony in a tone death melody.

"I love you too." you whispered. The grip on your throat tightened and you knew that he didn't believe you anymore. The trust that had been built between you had been shattered into little fragments , and there was nothing you could do to pick up the pieces without cutting your hands.

"No you don't." his reply was as curt as his thrusting. Your heart crumbled in your chest and you were glad that he wasn't rejecting your touch, at least.  
   Desperate to feel him, you arched your back prompting him to thrust harder into you. Gracious moans left your mouth and he rewarded you with more blessed strokes of his paintbrush.

"I do Hanamin. I never meant to hurt you...I was hurting badly...I just wanted the pain to disappear. I didn't think of the consequences.. I was selfish. I just wanted the pain to go away." Hanamiya's hand found yours and his face was in your neck again. His thrusting had slowed down to a manageable pace. 

"Why didn't you tell me then? I could have helped." there was no hiding behind the sike idiot right now, his words were coated in a sincerity that you never knew could come from him . He was hurting because of your actions. He was confused because of your resolutions. He was supposed to be your soulmate, you were supposed to confide in him about everything. 

"I didn't want to worry you. You were already so troubled with everything going on in your life. I didn't want to be a burden to you.." you admitted, using your other hand to claw into his back. He felt so deliciously good like this, moving in and out of you with his anatomy , while your souls relinquished and repaired their broken bonds.

"What's hurting you?" he asked, although his voice was barely above a whisper. He was straining to be nice and just talk to you instead of doing things his way, and breaking your body until you told him everything. 

"The past...my past. I don't know how to let it go or where to start. It eats at me from inside until my head screams and tells me all my faults." you felt yourself reaching your peak as Hanamiya had sped up again, finally finding resolve in your answer. 

~~

"You know that I'm your boyfriend right?" Hanamiya asked, hands yanking your head upwards so that your eyes met slightly. You nodded against his chest and made way to grab his hand,"You're such an idiot. I will listen to your problems. You can confide in me."

"So you will help me pick up the pieces?" You asked, hopefully.

"Yes."He was curt, annoyed by how quickly you had perked up.

"Even the ones so broken that the shards have turned to dust?" 

"Yes even those."

_As long as it meant he wouldn't lose you again._


	12. Ten

10 Hanamiya Headcannons 

10.) Hanamiya doesn't really like the nickname Hanamin, he rather you just call him Makoto, but he doesn't complain because he loathes being called Hana-chan or Ko-chan

9.) Hanamiya loves having you in his lap. To him it's the ultimate show of power and possession. Everyone needs to know you belong to him including you.

8.) Hanamiya doesn't like the honorific Sama on his name because he views you as his equal and no equal of his should be using an Honorific that denotes that he is above you.

7.) Hanamiya doesn't like when you ride him, it gives you too much authority over his needs, he needs to see you under him and begging for his touch not the other way around.

6.) Hanamiya is both a sadist and masochist. That doesn't mean he'll let you tie him up and fuck him but he does enjoy getting his cock bitten/scratched and having your nails break his skin. 

5.) Hanamiya likes to spoon when he's stressed. You are his stress ball.

4.) Hanamiya will have nightmares when you are not sleeping next to him.  He has a traumatic past and sometimes it gets the best of him, although that does not mean he feels remorse for hurting people. 

3.) Hanamiya absolutely loathes being touched by anyone he is not close with or has no business with. That means any one outside of the basketball team, his teachers, and you. He loves being touched by you the most though, you are the most tolerable. 

2.) Hanamiya will bite at your thighs just because he loves to see the way the flesh will turn that beautiful red/purple colour as it bruises. He loves to bruise your skin but he will never leave a bruise in a place where it may catch the attention of a teacher. sexual relations are prohibited at KD.

1.) Hanamiya hates kissing but as you love to kiss him so, he has learned to suck it up and deal with it. Although he does has a limit of how many kisses he is willing to take before you find yourself under him with his hand around your throat.

Bonus: Hanamiya does not believe that someone is capable of loving him. He feels as if he is this shadow of his father or a demon that is undeserving of love. He is secretly counting the days where you realize he is unworthy and leave him to die in scrutiny. He is surprised that the two of you have almost been together for a year. His relationships usually don't last that long. 

Bonus: Hanamiya loves that you don't try to change him. He loves that you love him for him. Even though you shouldn't, you do and that's beautiful in itself. You are Hanamiya's treasure and he will never let you go without a fight.

What are your Hanamiya Headcannons? Comment below


	13. Sleepy cuddling

When you settle down next to Hanamiya, he's tossing and turning in his sleep. It's nothing you're not used to, so you run your fingers through his hair and plant a soft kiss on his cold sweat soaked forehead. 

"Hi baby." you whisper softly, as his eyes shoot open. His breathing is heavy, but he looks relieved that it's you sharing this bed with him. He's such a darling boy, in his own demented way.

His hand shoots up and you instantly find it pushing your head down for a kiss. You think this is nice, that it would be nice if the two of you could stay like this forever. It's a selfish thought, but it consumes your being whole as you have no desire to be away from Makoto. High school sweethearts, but you haven't been one to follow in your family's footsteps.

"I love you." you whisper against his lips. He's too tired to offer up any logical response so he just nods a Mhm,"Wouldnt it be nice if we could stay like this forever?" his being freezes and he pulls away from your lips. It hurts, but you're used to being hurt by Hanamiya.

"It would be nice." his reply startles you and warms your heart way better than any Kotatsu ever could on Christmas eve. You're so in love with this man it doesn't make sense. He abuses you, talks down to you, fucks you like you don't mean shit to him, yet you couldn't picture yourself with anyone else besides him. You're more than just his girlfriend, you're his soulmate.

"I don't want to share you." you admit, referring to Nakasato Toshie,"I don't want anyone else to have you. I don't want anyone to kiss you, to lay a finger on you." you admit, tears bubbling in the corner of your eyes. You gasp in surprise when he pulls you onto his chest and wraps his musclar arm around you. You're warm here in this demented man's grip. He lets out a yawn and presses a small kiss onto your forehead, followed by his signature evil laughter.

"Pretty girl." he starts, letting his finger ghost over your lips,"You think I'm going to be swayed by a peon?" he chuckles again and it's the sweetest music to your ears, "Such minuscule concerns pet."

"Makoto...everyone wants you, the bad boy. They see how loyal you are to me, how special I am to you and they want to destroy it. They talk about me, about how I don't mean shit to you...how I'm garbage, about how they're going to do things to me if I don't leave you." you sniffle and find yourself being cradled in Hanamiya's embrace ,"They worship you like an occult god." 

For the first time Hanamiya's speechless. He doesn't know what to say or how to comfort you but he knows what he has to do, what he needs to do,"Then let's break up, give them what they want." the room is silent before you fill it with twisted laughter. You know he's a sadist but that's not a funny joke. 

"Hanamin you know how you got the last time we broke up. That's not a funny joke. You know Kiyoshi and Hara are both waiting for you to slip up again." once again he silent but his grip on you tightens. He's also selfish, he doesn't want anyone else to have you, even if he's not with you himself.

"And I'll let Kiyoshi fuck me if we do." you squeal as you feel yourself being flipped and pinned to the bed. You've pissed him off but there's a smirk on your face.

"You're still so easy sometimes Hanamin." you push his lips down unto yours, kissing him with the passion of a fruit. His tongue slides into your mouth and he claims it with dominance. He will never let you go. You are his partner in crime, second hand to his schemes.

"I love you but not right now please." you whisper in his ear, sucking his lobe gently. He's hard against your thigh and your hands that are running down his abdomen aren't helping the case. 

"I wasn't asking to fuck you pretty girl, not after you just suggested letting Kiyoshi fuck you." he scoffs, releasing his hold on you wrist.

"You think I was asking for you to fuck me after you just suggested breaking up with me?" you counter, slightly offended. The two of you waste no time though, sooner than later, your clothes are off and he's lapping at your cunt while his cock is deep down your throat.

It isn't long before he flips you over and fills you up to the brim. You're a grail that's too full of blood red wine. You're the last bullet to his gun, you're the knife that he brings to a gun fight, just so he can cheat someone out of a win. You are his everything and he will never let you go.

"Fuck me! Please. You're so good Hanamin don't stop." you claw at his back as you beg him to make you come like the two of you don't have school tomorrow. Hanamiya grabs at your nipple with his teeth while his fingers work your clit into oblivion. You clinch tightly around him and bring him along with you.

"Goddamn it." he swears,rolling besides you and snatching you back into his arms. He doesn't pull out nor did he wear a condom but strangely you're cool with that. Whatever happens, Hanamiya's got your back and you his. You know he'll never abandon you to fight this world alone, after all you're all he has left.

"How's your mom Makoto." you bring up the forbidden topic because the present is as good as time as ever.

"She's dead." he drawls, exhaling harshly.

"She's not dead Makoto. She's just sick, she's a strong woman. I know she'll power through." you grip his hand in yours and peck his lips.

"She's dead to me." 

"You're just saying that because you're scared. You're so scared of being abandoned and hurt that you've forced her into the grave before she can hurt you herself." you tell him. You know you're dead on too. Hanamiya isn't as complex as people think he is once you get to know him.

"Go to sleep." he bids you and for once you don't argue.

You just do as told.


	14. Slow down(FYL)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years later hanamin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: asphyxia, asthma, passing out

When you claw at his back, he thinks that you're simply in the throes of pleasure. He doesn't hear the three grunts or you gasping for air ,because the sound of his hips echoing off of yours is too loud. You're choking right beneath him, asphyxiating, because the collar he bought you was too tight and your asthma decided to flare up right at this moment. You don't know what to do and you find yourself panicking beneath him as it all goes black.  

~~~

"Makoto." you try, your hand drawing circles on his back, while you finish up the last of the Nebulizer treatment. You're shaking like a baby deer from the Albuterol, a common side effect. His eyes look to the bruise on your neck and then down at the hospital gown. He's upset by his ignorance but even more so that he hurt you, "It's okay, it was an accident." you try to persuade him but you can tell he's boiling himself in a cauldron of self loathing.

"It wasn't an accident!" he growls. He's convincing himself that he did it on purpose because that's much easier to fathom. It's more believable because he's a sadist, because he's a genius and he doesn't mess up this badly. Yes, he meant to almost kill you, he meant to bruise your skin purple and green. He shudders at how much the thought that he could ever do something like this on purpose, hurts him. It's not possible, for anyone else, yeah it could happen with no remorse, but not you. Never you.

"Asthma can flare up at any time and it just so happen that I was wearing a collar." you try again, but he isn't listening. This isn't the first time that he's hurt you to this extent and every time he does it, you have to convince him that accidents happen during sex, especially during Dom/sub play, and that you don't hate him.

~~

"Look Min,they gave me a new inhaler." You shoot the mist in the air four times, priming the inhaler so that the number says 200 instead of 204, then you take two puffs. He isn't concerned with the inhaler though, after all it's just the same grey rescue inhaler you've been using since he's known you. His eyes instead linger to the prescription bottle of Prednisone on the counter. Steroids that cause a whole lot of fucking problems.

"I don't see why they're making such a big deal out of it. It was just a small flare up." you smack your lips and take the pills as prescribed. Hanamiya doesn't like you on any medication really, but steroids are a big no no. They make you eat too much and alter your moods , and lord knows you already have a history of depression and suicide. 

"You almost died from an asthma attack, that's why they're recalibrating your meds. If you're having asthma attacks like that after virtually five years of silence, then they need to make a big deal about it." you roll your eyes and launch yourself onto the kitchen counter. The both of you are thinking the same thing more or less. 

The collar. 

It probably exaggerated the attack because it was too tight, giving you less time to react, get help.  You know Hanamiya's thinking that it's his fault for not listening to you, for not being aware of your well being, for having the collar too tight.

"Oh well I gues—M-Makoto." you gasp in surprise when you feel his arms around your waist and his head on your lap. You run your fingers through his hair.

"Hi baby." you coo. He doesn't say anything. He takes comfort in the fact that you're alive and breathing. He hates himself because he hurts everything he loves. You're the last thing he wants to ever truly hurt, and now he's done it. He's almost killed you

~~~

"Mmm fuck!" you cry as he bites at your lip again. His hands are roaming your body, looking for the zipper to undo your dress. You work quickly, trying to undo the bottoms on that annoying ass shirt he's wearing.

"Don't." he warns. You're thinking about just pulling it off so the buttons scatter everywhere but Hanamiya loathes when you damage his work shirt.

"Oh come on attorney Makoto. The tie is hard enough to take off." you pout laying a kiss on his neck. He mumbles something under his breath and slides the shirt off. You kiss from his neck to his bicep to his finger tips and then frown. He's staring at the bruise that wraps around your neck like a snake. He's all of a sudden not into it anymore, he doesn't want to touch you, because he's scared of hurting you again.

"You can't run forever." you scold him, grabbing his calloused hands and resting them on the bruise. It hurts a little bit, making you wince. He tries to pull away but you don't let him, laying your hand over his, "Things happen Makoto, I'm not upset with you." you lean forward and kiss his lips softly. He doesn't kiss back but you don't stop. You'll make him get over it if you have to.

"I love you...I like it when you hurt me." you whisper against his lips. He growls and flips you over, pinning you against the bed. 

"Then let me hurt you then." You chuckle and kiss him again, he responds this time, snaking his tongue pass your lips.

"It's okay if You hurt me, just slow down...watch for the signs that I'm not okay and stop when you see them." he runs his finger over the bruise before laying gentle kisses upon it before he's inside of you. 

"Oh god yes Makoto!" you cry out, head thrown back in pure bliss. He lifts you unto his lap,rocking his hips against yours in such a tantalizing way. You grip his forearms and match his thrust with your hips. 

"Such a pretty girl." he bites at the bruise, nicking it with his teeth. It hurts but you don't dare cry out, not when he's mixing pain and pleasure so purposefully. He's a sinner who's eyes have turnt to God in hope that he'll bless him with the greatest gift of all. You. Letting him keep you, letting him treasure you beneath his finger tips for all of eternity.

"I-I'm nngh!" he chuckles against your shoulder as he speeds up the pace. He fucks you like it's a race to get to your peak and brings you down hard enough that you're seeing stars. Goddamm you love him beyond anything else in this world.

~~~

"Makoto." you call, tracing lines on his back. He doesn't give you an answer, he's too embarrassed, "Hanamin." it's in this moment Hanamiya realizes how much he truly loves you. How much he'd do anything for you. How he'd break if he truly hurt you. He's embarrassed but the feelings in his heart don't ebb. He wants you to himself forever more.

"Fuck." he swears aloud, turning over to face you. He claims your lips with a passion that rarely bubbles to the surface of his cold hearted facade,"I really want you to myself." 

"Well of course it's only natural we've been together for so long,  but if it helps I want you to myself too." you've unmanned him and he doesn't know how to deal with it. You've changed him into something he never thought he could be and it eats at him. He never wants to lose this, you, and that bothers him so much that it hurts.

"No idiot." he chuckles, "You're the one I want more than anything else." he stumbles over his words, they hurt leaving his mouth. He's never had to be this sweet and you're honestly confused. He isn't making sense right now. There's no reason to confess all this. 

"Makoto. You aren't making any sense right now." he's silent and so are you. You can tell that he's struggling to say something. His eyebrows furrow and he exhales silently. He knows it wouldn't take long to just say it and get it over with, but man, it's hard. He's never felt like this before and he doesn't know how to go about this situation.

"You know marriage isn't my thing, but I know it's yours and it's what you've been wanting for awhile now." he remembers the fight so vividly that it almost blindsides him. He remembers your tears but he also remembers how afraid he is of messing this up, but he's more afraid of losing you because he waited too long to shoot his shot, "So let's do it. Marry me." he breathes out. He's not asking you, he's commanding you as if you don't have a choice. He'd probably lose his mind if you rejected him at this moment but only because you've made a fool out of him.

"How could I say no." you cry, tears falling from your eyes, "You are all I've ever wanted since our friends with benefits relationship." you sob loud and heavily. You sob for the time you've been together, for the fights, for the sex, for everything and more. He cradles you in his chest, running his fingers up and down your spine. Just for today, he'll be gentle and soft.  He's bitter about how much you've changed him, sated his personality and weaved your way into his heart. 

"I love you so so much Hanamiya Makoto. So much." the tears don't stop. You never thought this day would come and it makes you feel so many damn things, but most of all happiness. You intertwine your fingers with his as you drift off to sleep, a blubbering mess of tears. He doesn't say anything until he's sure you're asleep and coddled in his arms. 

 

_"It's official then. You're mine."_


	15. Broken object

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tigger warning: Depression relapse

There's glass laying on the floor as Hanamiya has you caged in between him and the wall. His lips are on yours, one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, the other trapping you against the wall. 

"And where do you think you're going with those pills?" he grabs your hand, folding it against his. They are dry and rough but all the same comforting. He's got you, he's know you're slipping, so he's got you. He'll never let you fall by yourself, he will always jump with you even if it means he'll goes down first because of it. 

"Leave me alone Hanamin, or I'll scream. We're not together anymore, this is harassment!" you push at his chest with your free arm but he doesn't budge. You can't push him away, you can't shake him, so now you're desperate. He's desperate too, he doesn't want to lose you, he doesn't want to go through this again and again, and again until you end up actually taking your life. You need help and not the type he can give you, you need professional help.

"What do you think leaving me will accomplish? You think I'll be happy?" he kisses little pitter-patters down you neck, making you sigh softly. His touch still electrifies your skin, and whether you like it or not ,it serves to calm you down a little bit "You think you're doing me some type of favor?" he lifts you up, not minding the broken glass, and sets you down on the desk. He's here with you, picking up the broken pieces, even though you've just added on a whole heap of them, he doesn't stop. You thank him mentally in the part of you that's still sane..

"You don't realize it yet, but you'll be very happy when I'm gone, just trust me and let me do this for you." the tears bubble up and spill over. You grab at his jersey, burying your face in it, sobbing freely,"Why won't you just let me do this for you?" he doesn't know what to do or say. He's not good at curing people's emotional distress. He shows his feelings physically and through sex, and that hardly seems appropriate right now.

"Because if you leave it'll all go to shit." he kisses your head softly. He doesn't know how this whole comforting thing works, but he just recites and repeats his mother's actions from when he was young. 

"Give them to me [F/n]." he holds out his hand calmly and waits for you to drop the bottle of pills in his hand. He's so broken he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to see you suffering like this. He doesn't want you to spend another sleepless night crying into his chest about how worthless you are, but he will if it means you'll get better. Bad boy, Hanamiya Makoto, will do anything if it means you're happy.

"Come on." he doesn't care about the basketball game that's about to happen in about twenty minutes. He doesn't care about the team needing him. He doesn't care about anything other than the girl buried in his chest, sobbing her eyes out.

"If I give them to you, it won't change a thing. I'll just find them again when you leave to play your basketball game." you mutter, against his tear stained jersey. He sighs. You're so wrong, he won't leave you alone, not when you're a risk to yourself and others. 

"I won't leave so give me the pills." his temper is starting to flare but he does his best to keep calm. It's hard though. He wants to help but doesn't know how, he wants you to be free from this mental prison, but he doesn't have the key. 

"If I give them up will you kiss me?" he's surprised by the request but of course he will. He would do anything you ask of him right now. You've unmanned him and made him weak to your charm. That's why he can't lose you, he'll never be this connected with someone again. His heart is begging for you not to do this.

"Yes." you drop the pill bottle, he seizes both of your hands, and kisses you. You probably look like a mess, but what does he care. He slides the pills into his pocket, has a seat at the chair of his desk, and pulls you into his lap.

"Sleep now pretty baby." he commands, pressing your head against his chest. You push your fingers up to his lips, and he lays a kiss on every single one of them. He's glad your episode is over but he's concerned with how close together they have been. 

You need help

And he's going to get you some

**Author's Note:**

> comments please


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